A Proud Son

I was so blessed to be reunited with my Mom after 54 years. I feel like a higher power touched me, this and encouragement from my children, I decided to try to find her. I recall feeling a sense of urgency after many efforts to find her failed. I believe now God was encouraging me to hurry up.

We were reunited, on March 2, 2020, and we spent an incredible first meeting with Mom and Winston in their beautiful home. Mom cooked the most amazing meal. And by the time I left, I felt like I knew her my whole life.

Something healed within both of our souls that day. She was so happy I turned out ok and I found her, and I became so honoured to learn my Mom had such grace, kindness, creativity smarts and so much more including being the centre piece of a truly amazing and beautiful extended family.

We called and emailed each other frequently and were both anxiously waiting for the Covid-19 lockdown to finish so we could begin a long relationship together. When she had the stroke, I was devastated. I was, however, fortunate to have been able to be by her side in the hospital.

One day after she entered to the hospital, I received the following letter from her.


Dear Ryan,
March 31, 2020
These past few weeks have been the happiest days of my life. Your diligence in searchíng for me demonstrated not just a need to know your birth mother but to love her sight unseen. You did not know who or what you would find at the end of your search, but you had faith that one day you would find me and I was always expecting you. As soon as I received the first photograph, I knew you were my son.

I had an easy pregnancy but was stressed most of the tíme because of the decision I knew had to be made. Given my circumstances, it was the right decísíon, but it did not take away the guilt and shame that dogged me for years. I am grateful to your adopted parents for loving you and making you the man you are today-gentle, compassionate, forgiving and family orientated. These are innate qualities that you inherited from me because that ís also who I am.

I carried you for 9 months, and duríng my alone tíme, I would talk to you in utero (in the womb) about why I could not keep you. The day 1 signed the adoptíon papers was the saddest day of my life because I was sending you off into an unknown world. Following the delivery, I remember asking the Dr. if the baby was a boy or girl, and the nurse placed you on my chest for what seemed like five minutes and then you were gone. I told the nurse your name was John” You have always been in my mind, my heart and my soul, but I buried the memories deep within me and never spoke about the experience.

March 14 was not only a glorious day with you it was also the first time I felt like a real mother and in addition I was freed from the chains of guilt and shame that has weighed me down for a number of years. My faith and upbringing kept me strong and the experience motívated me to be all that I can.

I know that I cannot go back and re-capture the years I have missed, but I hope we can build a future in the time I have left on this earth. The Virus is keepíng us apart, but your first priority is the care and attention for your Mom, dad and children. Although it has only been Twenty-six days since we first spoke, I feel as though I have known you all my life. Thank you, Ryan, for the light you brought into my life.

Love always, Mom.

Thank you, to my dear friend and God for helping make the miracle of our reunion happen.

Thank you, Mom, for being such a beautiful person and for making me a proud son.

Thank you, to the Isaac family for welcoming me

Ryan Boyington (John Brian Isaac) Anita’s Son